Okay I have decided to blog today as recently I have been truly humbled by god and his love for everyone. Truly, even in my life or the people around me I truly see god’s presence in the tiny things of life. Let me start of by saying, my faith journey for the couple of weeks haven’t been at a high point but more likely the lowest it could be. I did something about 2 weeks back and thereafter I felt that the usual feeling I have, the sense of security and the presence of god around me missing, my body felt emptiness never felt before and my heart ached. There were days I would just lie in bed wondering if god will ever love me. True enough in my emptiness I have learnt many things.
Throughout my 2 weeks I have had god guiding me in a different way, not the usual presence and security I would feel but just different. It was through people, people whom I love & even those who I don’t really love. The people gods sent me this year for my faith journey are people who I have never expected to be close with. I have had interesting walks home after school where I truly see god’s presence when I think about it now, the conversations and the motivation god was giving me through that friend. I also had very difficult moments where the devil tempted me not to sin but to just give up on god, just give up on my faith and as my friend would say ” fall for the things of the world” And yeah , it was extremely painful and agonizing at times. But throughout all this I realize not so long ago that my emptiness and that insecurity was just a way god wanted me to be filled and to just surrender.
I haven’t been filled yet but I am learning to surrender. I am saying I learning to surrender because I know it am not 100% yet but I am getting there and I know it. I have sinned in the 2 weeks for sure but recently I have controlled and I have declined the devil but this was only possible because of god’s true grace. On Ascension I went to church earlier to go for ado and I did. During ado, I prayed and I pleaded god to be that shepherd of my life, to be that person who will be that guiding hand. And now, whenever I am tempted by sin, I make sure I will not fall because of my desire for god. However, I know in time to come I will be bound to fall but the great thing is that now even if I fall my desire for god will only increase and not decrease. I believe that god carried me this far and that is why I felt that sense of security and that feeling of fullness but now god has this rope around me and he is holding on to that rope as tight as he possibly can and he is running in front with it wanting me to chase him and in that way to yearn and to desire for him and truly go deeper.
Lastly, before I end my post I just want to say never give up hope especially at your driest points of your spiritual journey because at the end there is always a reward. I will just end of with the verse which is very relevant to me now.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.
Psalm 23.1
The Lord is my shepherd =)
Hi Everyone =)
Okay I have decided to blog today as recently I have been truly humbled by god and his love for everyone. Truly, even in my life or the people around me I truly see god’s presence in the tiny things of life. Let me start of by saying, my faith journey for the couple of weeks haven’t been at a high point but more likely the lowest it could be. I did something about 2 weeks back and thereafter I felt that the usual feeling I have, the sense of security and the presence of god around me missing, my body felt emptiness never felt before and my heart ached. There were days I would just lie in bed wondering if god will ever love me. True enough in my emptiness I have learnt many things.
Throughout my 2 weeks I have had god guiding me in a different way, not the usual presence and security I would feel but just different. It was through people, people whom I love & even those who I don’t really love. The people gods sent me this year for my faith journey are people who I have never expected to be close with. I have had interesting walks home after school where I truly see god’s presence when I think about it now, the conversations and the motivation god was giving me through that friend. I also had very difficult moments where the devil tempted me not to sin but to just give up on god, just give up on my faith and as my friend would say ” fall for the things of the world” And yeah , it was extremely painful and agonizing at times. But throughout all this I realize not so long ago that my emptiness and that insecurity was just a way god wanted me to be filled and to just surrender.
I haven’t been filled yet but I am learning to surrender. I am saying I learning to surrender because I know it am not 100% yet but I am getting there and I know it. I have sinned in the 2 weeks for sure but recently I have controlled and I have declined the devil but this was only possible because of god’s true grace. On Ascension I went to church earlier to go for ado and I did. During ado, I prayed and I pleaded god to be that shepherd of my life, to be that person who will be that guiding hand. And now, whenever I am tempted by sin, I make sure I will not fall because of my desire for god. However, I know in time to come I will be bound to fall but the great thing is that now even if I fall my desire for god will only increase and not decrease. I believe that god carried me this far and that is why I felt that sense of security and that feeling of fullness but now god has this rope around me and he is holding on to that rope as tight as he possibly can and he is running in front with it wanting me to chase him and in that way to yearn and to desire for him and truly go deeper.
Lastly, before I end my post I just want to say never give up hope especially at your driest points of your spiritual journey because at the end there is always a reward. I will just end of with the verse which is very relevant to me now.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.
Mugging it out at St Gabriel's Sec Sch
I (L) God
SFX makes me high!
Cause she's been there for me, now i smile
I think of life as a story, that unfolds day by day
She means more to me than everyone, even myself
Sometimes i wish i had said those words
But baby it's never to late
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